We met in our late 30s and started trying for a baby in our early 40s. I had PCOS for years and was told it would be hard to have a baby. A friend recommended Siobhán to me. My partner was very open to the idea. I work in a stressful male dominated job and was always wanting to be in control of things. I needed to let go of control and be in the ‘now’ (present moment).This was hard, but now I see that this is so important since I became a mother as a clean, tidy house is not a priority anymore. I never really understood it before. I became grateful for every little thing. This was hard when others were getting pregnant as I felt so lost and sad as nobody knew our journey.
I had a cyst removed which I learnt from Siobhán that it was an ancestral block trying to protect me from generations back. This is because I am the ‘golden child’. I needed to let light in and reduce the darkness I was carrying. As a golden child I was always in giving mode, caring and helping others, checking if they needed help, worrying about them and what they thought of me and not about myself, putting my own needs last. Siobhán helped me to get into receiving mode. This was very hard at first. But when I received help, I became even more grateful for others helping me.
As time went on I was panicking about my age (43), so we decided to give IVF a try as I wanted to have no regrets. Siobhán never judged us for this, she supported us even more. The clinic said we could try with my own egg, but that the stats were very low for our age. I didn't let them enter my head. One of our consultants was totally against Chinese herbs but I continued taking them, along with the medicinal mushrooms that Siobhán recommended. They had worked in getting my periods bright red and I ended up attending a consultant that also recommended medicinal mushrooms. Together with Siobhán, I connected to my golden egg and focused on how strong, brave and resilient I was. Siobhán helped me to understand that I was carrying past ancestral guilt. My grandparents got pregnant before marriage and they then had to get married because of their religious views. Out of shame, they pretended that the baby was born prematurely. This caused me to carry shame of pregnancy before marriage. Siobhán gets a sensation (shiver) down her body when she sensed a truth about me. This is a unique gift that she has which helped me to connect more deeply and unlock painful issues/ events that I had hidden, and this helped me to transform them. Also, this sensation helped me to discover my unique gift which I would have never realised I had without her. I see now that a child is such a wonderful gift and I needed to see and use my gift to receive a baby. The bigger the gift, the greater the challenge.
I also read a book ‘Trying to get pregnant and succeeding’. I kept telling myself that I was super fertile and I could get pregnant. I deserved to be a mother as I had always really felt for others who weren't mothers. I did a lot of visualization of a baby in our house, in rooms with toys, being pregnant, holding a baby in my arms, everyone being so happy for us and wanting to meet the baby. I wanted the baby looking down on us to feel loved and welcomed. I constantly connected with the embryo as it was implanted and growing by telling it how strong and brave it was and loved. We now have a very strong baby. We were shocked when we found out I was pregnant with my own egg at nearly 44. We delivered a very healthy girl. Siobhán constantly supported us through this pregnancy and checked in with us, which was very reassuring as the clinic didn't have any real follow up with us.
I could be totally open with Siobhán about everything and she never judged me. We can never thank Siobhán enough for all her help and kindness to make us a family. She gave us so much time, knowledge and support in her own time. She has a friend for life.
Male view:
It's very tough when you aren't getting pregnant and your friends are. It makes you feel less manly. During our fertility journey I discovered that I had an adopted sibling. This was a complete shock and a secret buried in my family because of past religious views. It was done out of guilt and fear of shame which my parents never spoke of. I have since connected with my sibling and we are all delighted to have another member in our family.
Siobhán also made me unlock my unique gift. She could see that I had a real talent and nobody else would have this idea, and it was my gift. I needed to believe in myself as I was a golden child, always helping other people. Siobhán got a sensation when she heard me describe my unique talent that nobody else had. She encouraged me to believe in myself and that I am very unique, and it made me value my own way of doing things. This led me to have self belief that I could become a father. Siobhán guided us on the right path and never left our side until we became parents. And has now become a forever friend. We feel so lucky and blessed to be parents and still can't believe she is ours sometimes.
From very grateful parents - 2024
